Signs of the apocalypse

Status: Friends only

Picked up the mall princess from her retreat today. Was surprised—I expected to spend the whole ride back hearing about mosquitoes and ticks and bad phone reception. Not that she’d have anyone to call with her entire posse out in the woods with her, but still—I’m sure they would want to text each other about which sessions to ditch together, you know?

So I get to the parking lot and I’m instantly wondering who this person is and what she did with my sister. A) She just plain doesn’t look like Chelsea. She’s wearing what is probably like the one practical camping-friendly outfit she owns, she’s got her hair back in a floppy ponytail and—get this—no makeup. Creepy, right? And B) she was talking to Deena Markowitz.

I’m pretty sure you all know that I would rather get a part-time job at McDonalds than follow all the gossip at Heatherclear Prep, but even I know this is through the looking glass. Chelsea and Deena are enemies. They’re, like, the Animal Planet rivals to the top of the food chain. They’ve been going for each others’ jugulars since freshman orientation. The closest I’ve ever heard to the two of them talking civilly was maybe the homecoming dance where Chelsea made a point of complimenting Deena’s dress and then reportedly saying something like, “And with that pattern, you can barely even see all the extra weight you’ve put on.”

And yet there they were, standing together in the parking lot… talking. And they were leaning in to each other, like *friends,* having a personal conversation.

Then she gets into the car with her sleeping bag, a fold-up chair and two ginormous suitcases (she was gone for five days in the woods), and I ask her how the retreat was.

“Fine.”

Fine. Like I’m Mom or something. “What did you do in school today, sweetie?” “Nothing.” I ask her about her new friend in the parking lot, of course. While I’m talking I’m trying to merge onto 35W so I can’t look over and watch her or anything, but I’m pretty sure she got uncomfortable from the question. She just sort of mumbles something about bonding activities.

Oh, and C). Not only does she not try to tell me anything about the retreat, but she doesn’t call her friends about it, either. Her phone stayed off the whole ride home, and the car was quiet.
So now on top of wrapping up the summer and getting ready for school I have a doppelganger sister to deal with, too.

Greeeeaaaaat.


(Continue on to Chelsea's post.)